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Thursday, May 21, 2009
Whereisthelove?
We all need love. Peter in Corinthians even mentioned that with love, it helps to channel faith and hope into our lives and also others' lives. Love is definitely very powerful: it can construct, as well as destruct. We all have been so exposed to dramas and movies portraying the mighty effect of love and being in love. "Oh if I could be with this so & so, I would not live a day of my life in tears or in pain". "I will die for her, i will fight for her, i will do anything for her, even if it will cost me everything in my life". But wait a minute, is a relationship really that rosy? That full of romance and ever sweet tasting?
I have seen many people around me coming together; some given the blessings from others while some had to go on even though family and friends objected to the relationships. Yes, it is not wrong for people to find a partner, get together, develop a relationship then perhaps develop even further. Love is the biggest need in our lives. It is like our oxygen. But what exactly is love? Is it merely a boy-meet-girl, then boy-go-after-girl, then boy-ask-girl-for-steady thing? Romance is merely a small portion of a greater love which encompasses so vastly and generated by so many different sources. Friendship is one type of love, so is the warmth of a family. So is God's love.
Recently, I have a friend who suffered a terrible setback from her relationship. It was a very harsh reality and a defeat hard to swallow. Who likes to be treated like a treasure during the initial courting phase, then only to be treated with little respect when things don't go well during the courtship? Met a friend for dinner also, and she is also one who was hurt from her last relationship and she mentioned that she would not want to get into another relationship again because it hurts. Somehow as you read this, you may have recounted about people whom you know who had also landed into a sorry plight because of LOVE, or perhapsyou are one of them. Then as you pondered and wondered, you feel that love can't be positive because it brings many hurts and tears. You develop a wall inside your heart, telling yourself not to trust people easily anymore, especially the opposite gender. "It is to protect myself, so its better to keep a distance". That, in actual fact, is merely escapism.
Love is not complicated; it is the people who make it complicated.
How complicated can giving be? How difficult is it to make others feel treasured, wanted and happy? Sometimes we give excuses for ourselves:"I can't give love, because I am not even loved. I am empty inside and I feel so lacking". But how many ever wondered that to be able to give is actually more bliss than to be given? Over the years, Ive dedicated myself to volunteering, not because Im too free, neither was it to give myself a better image. It is a stir in my heart that tells me constantly that there are many people who don't get as much love from this worldand that I can provide them with some of mine. I didn't exactly have a good and happy childhood. I struggled through my growing up years: finding my identity, my purpose, my love. Along the way, I felt so rejected, so lost and so disillusioned that I asked "why me?" upteem times. No friends were by my side to give me words of encouragement; in fact, I would be glad if none came to mock me or to dig an even deeper hole and hurl me inside.
Because of the not-so-positive growing up experiences in my family as well as in my school and social life, I unknowingly kept a distance from people in my teenage and young adult years. That was because I was afraid of rejections:"What if I give others my heart, but not get back in return? What if they treat me badly like how I was treated when I was young?" Thank God I did not turn out cold and unfriendly, because I made a choice. I may not be loved by people, but that doesn't mean I can't love others. That was the main reason I started to volunteer after NS in 2004. Initially I was doubtful of being able to take care of the elderly, the physically as well as the intellectually challenged, because I had no skills and experience. I was afraid that I might do or say words that may prick them. I fear this, fear that........ But, love dispels fears.
I am grateful that these friends whom I have been helping all these years were actually the ones who had helped me instead. They had helped me to realise that life can be very simple, non-threatening, peaceful and fulfilling.They taught me that its the heart that matters, not the physical appearance or capabilities. They helped to dispel my worries and tiredness with their greetings and smiles. A simple and innocent "hello kor kor, how are you?" is more mighty than all the stress that this fast-paced society adds on to our lives everyday. My purpose was to help them to grow, to enjoy life like how we can. In loving them, I grew more in return.
Love is unconditional. It is not about possessing someone: it is about giving our blessings if we can't be the one to provide for that person we care for. Love is about letting go: when keeping the hatred will impede you more than help you to move on. Love is wisdom: it is about knowing and choosing who to love more and who to love less. We are no saints, we can't ensure that we can treat everyone fairly, to be given an equal share of our love. It would be self deception if we tell ourselves that "I must treat everyone nicely because everyone is my friend". I used to think that way, but in life, it is not about Maths: you may not get back the same amount as you give out. Not EVERYONE can be our friends. Since that is the case, your precious love should then be respected for it should only be given to people who deserves it. When you give your love to someone, you are allowing that person to enter your life. His/her presence can make or break your life, so you ought to give your entry pass wisely and not indiscriminately.
To those who had suffered setbacks in relationships, do not give up & do not feel negative. Everyone of us is like a piece of jigsaw: not being able to bear fruits with this someone does not make you a lousy person. It merely means that your piece and the other party's piece doesn't match. Eventually one day, as we persevere and discover ourselves better, we may find that other piece of jigsaw that will eventually fit nicely with us.
